The Parent Track/Transcript
Sydney: Dad! We just got front row tickets for our favorite band. But they'll only hold it in our cart for two minutes. Which means I don't even have time to say what I'm saying right now. So, can we go? Please, please, can we? Max: Front row seats? Awesome! I love going to concerts with you guys. You know, doin' the wave? Look out, here it comes... ye-ooo! Sydney: Actually, we only reserved two tickets. Max: Aww! Olive's not coming? Sydney: Dad, Olive and I want to go by ourselves. Max: What?! You want to go to a concert without an adult? Sydney: Olive's parents are letting her go. Olive: In all honesty, my brothers broke them a long time ago. No rush, but our tickets expire in 45 seconds. Sydney: Come on, Dad, no one else's parents are gonna be there. Max: There were tons of parents at the last Girlz With 'Tude show. Sydney: This isn't Girlz With 'Tude, it's a cool, new, alt rock band, Sixteen Oranges. Max: Sorry, Syd, I just don't feel safe letting my 12 year-old daughter go to a concert by herself. Sydney: What?! No! Don't worry, Dad, Sixteen Oranges are totally safe. They're fun, they're wholesome, they have so much a-peel. You like puns, work with me. Max: (scoffs) Sydney-- Sydney: Dad, come on, I'll do anything! Olive: Five seconds... Sydney: I'll clean my room. Olive: Four... Sydney: I'll clean your room! Olive: Three... Sydney: I'll clean anything with the word "room" in it. Olive: Two... Sydney: Please, man, let me clean something! :(tablet dings twice) Olive: There go our front row seats. Sydney: Thanks a lot, Dad. Max: Talk about Girlz With 'Tude. ---- :THEME Stay the Same Young Max: Leo, your beeper's so rad. I can reach you anywhere in the world. Young Max: What's your number, man? I wanna beep you. Leo: Actually, this one's fake. But it's got something way cooler than cutting-edge technology. Young Max: What? Leo: Gum. Young Max: That is cool. I just can't believe my mom's getting me a real one. Leo: Me, neither. I do more chores at your house than you do. Young Max: Did you get it? Did you get it? Judy: I'll tell you when I call you later... on your beeper! Young Max: Yes! You got me a beeper! I take back all the awful things I've said behind your back. Judy: Like what? Young Max: You got me a beeper! Judy: Okay, listen, I have one simple request: Whenever I beep you, you call me back right away. Young Max: You got it, Mom. I still can't believe you got me a beeper. A real beeper! Judy: Of course it's real. Who would want a fake one? Leo: People do. Gum? ---- :(music playing on headphones) Max: Mornin', Syd. What are you listening to? Sydney: Sixteen Oranges. It's just like going to the concert, but instead of seeing them, I'm looking at you. Max: Are you trying to guilt me into letting you go? Sydney: Is it working? Max: No, because I have nothing to feel bad about. Banana-stuffed French toast? Sydney: Oh, you mean "guilt toast"? Max: What? That's not guilt toast, it's... it's... Sydney: It's getting to you, isn't it, Dad? Crushing your little girl's dreams. It's not too late, there's a way out. It starts with an "S" and ends with "ixteen Oranges." Max: Sydney, you're not gonna make me feel bad. Hand-churned whipped cream? Sydney: I'm sorry, Dad, but a special breakfast isn't gonna make up for the fact that you don't trust me. Max: You know I trust you! I don't question your friendships, I never track your phone, I haven't read your journal in... ever. Sydney: Fine, can I at least hang at Olive's Saturday night? Max: Of course you can. And if you ask me, that's even more fun than going to the concert. Woo! Front row tickets to Olive's house! Sydney: Whoa! Grandma, you broke another drum? Judy: Yeah! Johnny Rainbow from my drum circle says I'm too tense. Apparently, 40 years of working at the DMV has clogged my chakras. Max: All because of the DMV? Judy: You're in there, too. Anyway, according to J-Bow, I need to meditate. Well, I'll show him. I'm gonna kick serenity's butt! Sydney: Go get 'em, Grandma! Judy: Thanks, Noodle-- ooh! Guilt toast! :to 1992 :(beeper beeps) Young Max: That's my beeper! Must be important. Stay in school, kid. And one day, you might have a beeper. Leo: Hey! Put down that mallet! Don't make me call security! He's in the back, doing his math homework. Young Max: Yes, Mom. I'm at the arcade. Like I was at school, and at the park, and in the bathroom. (scoffs) How was I supposed to find a phone in there? Bye. Leo: Mom again? Young Max: Who else? She just got me this thing to keep track of me. This isn't a beeper. It's a leash that beeps! Leo: Who's got the cooler beeper now? Well, still you, but I'm right on your tail. :back to present-day Judy: All right, meditation time. Turn off the TV, get off the couch. I've gotta find my happy place. Max: Do you have to take mine to do it? Judy: Where's Syd? I got her a karma candle at the New Age store. And... an eyeglass repair kit. Boy, those hippies will sell anything. Max: She's at Olive's. You know, I gotta say, she took not going to the concert pretty well. Judy: You, on the other hand, would have snuck off to the concert by now. Max: N-- that's not true. I was way more trustworthy than you gave me credit for. :to 1992 Leo: Hey! Leave some change for the customers! Young Max: They're for the pay phone. My mom won't stop beeping me. I thought she had a job! Leo: Your pants are lookin' pretty saggy. Young Max: Saggy in a cool, hip-hop way? Leo: I think we both know the answer to that. Hey, this new movie, Tyrannosaurus Island, opens tonight! Young Max: The one with the gnarly dinosaurs? Man, I'm dying to see it. Leo: Your mom won't let you see a PG-13 movie. She barely lets you watch that cartoon about a friendly ghost. Young Max: He's still a ghost, Leo. :(beeper beeps) Leo: Your mom again? Young Max: Yep. You know what? We're going to that movie. That woman can't tell me what to do. I'm not a child. :(coins jingling) :(laughter) Leo: Nothing to see here, people! Just a man who needs to call his mommy! :back to present-day Max: You were right. I did try to get away with a lot. But Syd's not like me. When she says she's gonna be at Olive's, she's gonna be there. Right? Judy: Max, center yourself, and still your mind. What?! Those hippie dum-dums forgot my calming crystal! I just hope I can find inner peace without a receipt. :(door closes) Max: Syd's not like me. (sighs) How do you track a child's-- nope. N-- How do you track a child's phone? Virtual Assistant: How to trash a child's home--'' '''Max:' No, I-I want to track my daughter's phone. Virtual Assistant: How to make an ice cream cone. Max: Oh, for Pete's sakes. Virtual Assistant: Calling "Pete's Steaks." ---- Olive: Watching an old Sixteen Oranges concert is nowhere near as fun as actually being there! Sydney: I know, but if I stop dancing, I'll start crying! Woo! :(phone chimes) Sydney: I can't believe this. Olive: Something wrong with the pizza? Do not be out of pepperoni. It's all I have left. Sydney: No, I just got a notification. My dad's tracking me. He said he'd never track me! Olive: Why would he do that? Sydney: I don't know. First he says I can't go to the concert, and now this? What's next, being locked in a tower and throwing my hair down for visitors? Olive: I have very little upper body strength. I'd never be able to visit! Sydney: Well, you know what? If he's gonna be the kind of parent who tracks me, I might as well be the kind of kid who needs to be tracked! Olive: I think I know what's coming next. Olive/Sydney: We're gonna... Olive: Get ice cream! Sydney: Go see Sixteen Oranges! Olive: Wow, I wasn't even close. ---- Olive: Yes! The concert's not sold out yet. I got us tickets! Sydney: Great. Are they good seats? Olive: I got us tickets! Sydney: And how 'bout a ride, you get us wheels? Olive: My brother Sean will be down any minute. I told him to cancel his date and drive us there. Sydney: And he agreed? Olive: He always agrees. I know things. Lots of things. Sydney: Okay, now all I gotta do is leave my phone here, and my dad will never know we left. Olive: Are you sure you wanna do this? Sydney: Oh, I'm sure. The "bad me" is very decisive. :(doorbell rings) Iggy: Pizza's here. What up, Olive? Olive's friend. Olive: Oh, hey, Iggy. We're on our way to see Sixteen Oranges. I totally forgot we ordered pizza. Iggy: How do you forget you ordered pizza? That's like forgetting your mother's birthday. Wait... that's tomorrow. I'm'a get her pizza! Olive: It's okay, we can just put it in the fridge. Iggy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm gonna pretend like I did not hear that. Just let it go, Iggy. It's their pizza now. Sydney: Hey, Iggy. You and I have the same phone case! Iggy: Oh, nice, I also have the pizza slippers, though I lost the right slice. Sydney: Uh...Olive, I think it's time to pay him. Olive: Yeah. Here you go, Iggy. Iggy: Thanks! Have a-- Sydney: pizza day? Iggy: I was gonna say "good," but I'm'a start using that! Sydney: Olive, it's time to rock out. Hit the road. Do this thang. Okay, I'm done, get your brother. Olive: On it. Let's go, Sean! Now! He's on very thin ice. :immediately changes to the Reynolds' household kitchen Judy: What're you hiding on your phone? Max: What? Huh? Nothing. No. I'm tracking Sydney. Judy: Well, the enlightened me would say: "Follow your path." But since I'm not there yet, what are you thinking, you dingus?! Max: Well, I was wrong. She's been at Olive's all night, just like she said she'd be. I never should have tracked her in the first pl-- (phone dings) She's on the move, I knew it! ---- :to 1992 Young Max: Two for Tyrannosaurus Island, please. Gerald: Nice try, but that movie's PG-13. You'll need an adult to buy these tickets. Young Max: No, we're the adults. I've got a beeper. Leo: And I go to an adult barber. Gerald: Look, I can't afford to get fired. I've got dreams. When I graduate, I'm moving to Vegas. Gonna do a magic show with monkeys. Leo: Oh... you know how to train monkeys? Gerald: Oh, no, you only have to train one. He'll train the rest. Leo: Wow! That is a big dream! Gerald. You sound like you could use somebody to invest in your future. Right, Max? Young Max: Oh, yeah. Gerald: (scoffs) Two bucks? What is this, a joke? Leo: Let's make it three. Gerald: Enjoy the show. :back to present-day Calming Female Voice: Welcome to "Tranquify," your mobile meditation guide. Now, close your eyes. Judy: Would a "please" kill you? Calming Female Voice: Now, picture yourself as a cloud, floating above your problems. :(cellphone rings) '''Max:' Mom? Judy: What do you want? I'm trying to be a cloud. Max: I tracked Syd to some kid's birthday party. I just missed her. What's she doing there? How did she even get there? What is going on?! Judy: Okay, I want you to listen to me very carefully. Max: Okay. Judy: I want you to come home immediately. Max: And? Judy: Get a hobby! Max: C'mon, Mom. Judy: I'm sure that she's fine. She can take care of herself, and-- Are you eating? Max (chewing): Yeah, pizza. Luckily they just had Enzo's delivered, I'm starving. (cellphone dings) Oh, she's on the move again. I bet she's headed to that concert. Judy: All right, keep me posted. Ohp. I think I drank too much iced tea. Time to be a rain cloud. ---- Olive: We've so gotta post this. Sydney: Olive, we can't! No pics, no posts, or else my dad will see them. I never should have showed him how to use the internet. Olive: But if we don't post pics, it's like it didn't happen. Sydney: I guess we'll just have to enjoy it in the moment. Olive: I don't see how that works, but I'll try. Wow, Syd, you're like an evil genius. I mean, right now, your dad's at home, thinking, "My daughter's at Olive's." But guess again, Mr. Reynolds! Sydney: That's right, I sure fooled him. And it feels... great. :to 1992 :(roaring from movie) :(audience screams) Young Max: Whoa. You think they could really bring a T-Rex back to life? Leo: Don't be ridiculous. Of course they could! :(beeper beeps) Leo: Your mom? Young Max: No, it's Michael Jordan. Leo: Really?! Young Max: No! :to when Max and Leo are near a pay phone :(arcade sounds playing) Young Max: Hi, Mom, got your beep. Judy: Just checking in. Are you at the arcade? Young Max: Of course! Can't you hear? :(arcade sounds playing) Young Max: It's really busy. I can barely hear you over all the arcade noise. Judy: So, I'm thinking of cooking tonight. I got fish sticks. Drum sticks. Corn dogs on a stick. Pick a stick. Young Max: Any stick's fine. Sorry, Mom, I gotta get back to work. You know how important my job is to me. Judy: Okay, just don't be late. I'm starting the microwave at six o'clock sharp. :back to present-day Olive: (yelling out) Play "Through The Fog"! (slower) Play "Through The Fog"! Sydney: They're probably saving it for the encore. Olive: Sixteen Oranges doesn't care about encores. (yelling out) Oh! Play "We Don't Care About Encores"! Syd, what's wrong? Sydney: This was supposed to be the best night of our lives, but all I can think about is how I tricked my dad to be here. Mind if we go? Olive: But I want to stay! Now, I feel guilty about staying. Oh, no, I'm in a shame cycle. Ooh! Play "Shame Cycle"! Sydney: Iggy! What are you doing here? Iggy: I realized after my last delivery, I took your phone by mistake. Sydney: What?! Iggy: I'm so sorry! I'm supposed to deliver joy, not take it. Sydney: Oh, no, my dad's tracking this! Olive: He's probably on his way here right now! Sydney: Take it back, Iggy! And if my dad finds you, remember: you never saw us. Iggy: Whoa, I can't lie. If you can't trust the pizza guy, then I dunno, man. That's not a world I want to live in. Sydney: Okay, just stick to the truth. Tell my dad you took my phone by mistake. Come on, Olive, we gotta go. Call your brother. Olive: Hey, Sean. Remember what you did last Tuesday? Be here in five. ---- Max: I was right, she did go to the concert. One ticket, please. Adult Gerald: Sorry, just sold out. Max: Oh come on, you don't have one seat... Gerald. Wait, Gerald? Weren't you the ticket guy here? You were gonna move to Vegas, and start a monkey magic show. Adult Gerald: I did. Turns out, monkeys... have no honor. Max: Well, you're...back. Why don't I contribute to your new dream? Adult Gerald: My dreams died in a strip mall in Vegas. Max: How about an almost full... sandwich punch card? Adult Gerald: Enjoy the show. Sydney: Olive... concession stand, quick! Olive: No, thanks, I'm full. Sydney: Olive! :to 1992 Leo: I can't believe your mom beeped you again! Young Max: I'll call, you hit the recorder, and we'll fool the crazy lady again. Leo: Your mom's not crazy! I'd say more like irritable, and a bit of a loose cannon. Young Max: Dang, I'm outta quarters. Judy: Here you go. Young Max: Thanks. :(both scream) Judy: I knew you couldn't be trusted. I was right to get you that beeper. But don't worry, you don't have to wear it anymore, because I'll know exactly where you're going to be. Doing 20 to life in your bedroom! Young Max: Fine. But... (sighs) you gotta tell me. How'd you know? Judy: You almost got away with it. It was just one, tiny slip-up. You said, "You know how important my job is to me." Young Max: Gahh! (sighs) Leo: You're not gonna tell my mom, are you, Mrs. Reynolds? Judy: I don't know. I'm a bit of a loose cannon. :back to present-day :(muffled music playing) Sydney: Olive, we gotta get to that door without my dad seeing us. Olive: How are we gonna do that? Sydney: I've got an idea. Max: What happened? Am I in Heaven? Adult Gerald: Hey! Who moved the fog machine? You want to move the fog machine? Spend your breaks weeping in the bathroom. :(cellphone dings) Max: Found her. What? You're not Sydney. Why did my tracker lead me to you? Iggy: I was delivering pizza to Olive's and I took her phone by mistake. Max: What, she's not even here? Iggy: Okay... Max: I can't believe it, I've been driving all over town and my daughter's been at Olive's the whole time. I gotta get home before she realizes what I've done. By the way, great pizza. Iggy: I know. Max: Alright. ---- Sydney: Hey, look, it's Dad. Hi, Dad, what's up? Max: Not much. How was Olive's? Sydney: Uneventful. Your night? Max: Also uneventful, I just-- I went out for mouth wash. And then...realized, who am I trying to impress? Sydney: Well... I should get to bed. Goodnight. Max: Goodnight. I tracked your phone. Sydney: You what?! Max: I know, I know, I promised I wouldn't, and... the whole time, you were just sitting at Olive's. I'm sorry. Sydney: Well, the important thing is that you're sorry. 'Night. I went to the concert! Max: What?! Sydney: I know, I know... I found out that you were tracking me, and I was so hurt... I decided to go to the concert to get even. Max: Well, that doesn't make it right, Sydney. I was driving all over town worried about you. Sydney: I'm so sorry. I feel awful. But, Dad, why did you track me? I thought you trusted me. Max: I do, I just... I got caught up thinking about what I was like when I was a kid. Sydney: But I'm not the same kid you were. At least I wasn't, until tonight. Max: I got an idea. How about you and I hit the trust reset button? I promise I will never track you again. Sydney: And I promise I'll never sneak out behind your back again. Max: Deal. Now, how about we talk about your punishment? Sydney: What?! But this was going so well! Okay, I guess I deserve to be grounded. Max: Grounded? Oh, no. (chuckles) No. I have something way worse in mind. (laughing) Sydney: What is it? Tell me! :(continues laughing) Sydney: Tell me! If this is part of the punishment, it's working! :(continues laughing) ---- Sydney: This is worse than being grounded. Olive: Way worse. Sydney: Why did Oranges have to add another night? Sit down, Dad, I've learned my lesson! Max: Not quite yet! Here it comes! Audience: Wooo! Sydney: Are you done, Dad? Max: No, now, we gotta post it. Otherwise no one will know it happened. Sydney: We'll know, we'll know! Max: Say "Sixteen Oranges"! Olive: Sixteen Oranges! :(camera clicks) Olive: What? A post's a post! Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 Transcripts